Love it or leave it! Peace.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
US Election Humour: Dear Red States
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware,
that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin,
Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be
beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New
California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas , Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get
stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty . You get
Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get
Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America 's venture capital and
entrepreneurs. You get Alabama . We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get
to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian
Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. Please be aware that Nuevo
California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our
citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your
evangelicals.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the
country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92
percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America 's quality
wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90
percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living
redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus
Stanford , Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will
have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health
care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the
tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists,
virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University
, Clemson and the University of Georgia . We get Hollywood and Yosemite , thank
you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless
we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that
evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11... and
61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then
we lefties.
Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they
grow in Mexico .
Peace out,
Your Blue States
(rec'd by email)
hahahahaha
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My Canada includes rights of Indigenous Peoples.
LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT!
Peace.
LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT!
Peace.
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